exhibit 01Q.Who are we?
A.The defendant.
exhibit 02Q.Why the name?
A.The defendant was advised that a brand name should describe a feeling the customer aspires to. The defendant chose the feeling the customer already has.
exhibit 03Q.What is our mission?
A.The defendant does not have a mission statement. The defendant has attempted to write one. Each attempt has resulted in a sentence the defendant could not look at without cringing.
exhibit 04Q.What are our values?
A.The defendant's values are a private matter between the defendant and its accountant. The accountant has expressed concerns.
exhibit 05Q.What makes us different?
A.The packaging, the prices, and the paperwork. The product is soda.
exhibit 06Q.What does it taste like?
A.Like soda. Lemon and yuzu in the first. Blood orange and ginger in the second. Spiced cola in the third. The sugar is real and not sorry. The defendant will not be using the word “mouthfeel”.
exhibit 07Q.Why the flavour names?
A.Citrus Confessional. Bitter Justice. Cola Vice. The Bureau has filed a charge over this — naming sodas after legal terminology. The defendant accepts the charge. The names stay.
exhibit 08Q.Is there alcohol in it?
A.None. 0.0% across all three. The offence is flavour.
exhibit 09Q.Where is it served?
A.At the venues on the registry. Nowhere else. This is a position, not a supply problem.
exhibit 10Q.Are we a lifestyle brand?
A.No. The defendant produces a beverage. The defendant has been mistaken for a lifestyle brand by people who have not yet purchased the product.
exhibit 11Q.What's our story?
A.The defendant has reviewed competitor "story" sections and identified the following recurring elements: a kitchen, a problem that demanded solving, a journey of discovery by two best mates, a moment of clarity (often involving travel), and humble origin. The defendant has lived a version of most of these things. The defendant declines to package them for retail.
exhibit 12Q.Are we sustainable?
A.The only genuinely sustainable position is to consume less. The defendant agrees. The defendant also acknowledges that it sells soda.
exhibit 13Q.What is our promise to customers?
A.The defendant makes no promises.
exhibit 14Q.What does community mean to the brand?
A.The defendant maintains a mailing list. A community is people in a room. The defendant sells to rooms.
exhibit 15Q.Why does this FAQ exist?
A.The defendant has reviewed the FAQ as a corporate genre and identified its principal functions: search engine optimisation, the deflection of customer service queries, and the performance of openness without the practice of it. The defendant has elected to participate in the format and decline the functions.
exhibit 16Q.Anything else you'd like to add?
A.No.